卿本佳人

　　Jenny同学从未停止她自我毁灭的路程，到第4季末尾更几乎人神共愤。这条钢索，她跌跌撞撞走来，愈挫愈勇，抓狂的是全体观众。但忍不住要说一句卿本佳人奈何做贼。　　看到一则评论说，无论Jenny的文青形象如何乱七八糟，编剧至少找准一点——她像所有文青一样厌恶中产生活。从这个角度来看，离开Tim或离开Max都是一样的道理。中产生活意味低眉顺眼与社会和解，渐离本心。本心是个离奇的东西，有时它离社会规范仅一步之遥，有时，则相隔几万光年。有些人关注自己内心天地远远大于世间的翻云覆雨，以自由的乐趣为生命的大道。于是，不惜破坏周身的一切甚至自己的生活以规避社会的强大引力。

　　对于Jenny，可恨与可怜早已不分因果，而互为血肉。衷情得不彻底而又花心得不彻底，善良得不彻底又邪恶得不彻底，洒脱得不彻底而执着时又会突然没了兴致。一切的潜在动因或许都有关逃离与毁灭。生活愈是支离破碎，愈加使她感到安全。
　　我想她远没有旁人看到的那么自私自利无可救药，而只是无力丈量与周遭事物之间的距离，太在意自己的小世界，常常进退失据，一不小心就做错了事，且撞得头破血流仍无所畏惧，不思悔改。也不是不聪明，且看她对Max侃侃而谈一番分手感言，清醒正确无比——Max生错了躯壳，而Jenny要一颗les的心。

　　输在看不破——文青而耐不住寂寞，文青而容不得误读，这该如何是好？

任是无情也动人

Fine. It's almost accepted by everyone that how the TV drama's kept being so incredibly unreasonable for years. So it makes me look like such an idiot to myself when I sat in front of my laptop watching the latest season of it. What even embarrassed me more is that I actually was moved by some scenes, all about Marina's temporary return.

Let's go back to the very beginning of season 1, where Jenny has just landed in LA. It was her subjective view that we followed to discover the life of those ladies, and the fresh and splendid world they showed to us. A girl, who wished take "fiction writer" as her lifetime career, would never decline any extraordinary experience like that; even just being an observer sounded so cool to her. And then there was Marina, who intended to seduce Jenny when they met for the first time. I still have no idea of how serious she was when talking about those literary stuff with Jenny. It might be her conventional way of seduction, usually followed by the pleasure of a predator. However, Jenny was so touched, precisely on some certain part of her heart...I was so attracted to the expression on her face then, because I saw myself there, too. I hated to see Jenny when she cheated on people around her, messed everything up with her selfishness, and read poems to dolphins as if she was doing something cool, yet I could never blame her too much for being sentimental. It's always memorable moments in our lives when one's lonely mind is appreciated and elaborated by the other.

Getting back to season 4, I felt sympathy for Jenny when her name was pronounced in the Italian accent once again. She was there, wearing a man style black hat, maintaining her social grace as several years ago, speaking out her name in her unique deep charming voice: Jenny Schecter. It was truly brutal.

The one who seduced you just for fun, who cheated on you, who betrayed you and later vanished without any explanation...usually we refer to her by saying something just the same as Jenny:

We were friends...and she was my first.

In the meantime, we are referred to as that by someone else.

情书十二载，相思化为零

　　我到豆瓣上逛的时候，在首页上看到熟悉的中山美穗在白色背景之上的侧脸。点进去看影评，觉得泛泛。转念又想，如今哪一个人评《情书》，能够得我的心呢。这不是文章本身的好坏问题，而在于，影片作为某种必修课本的一切好处，我们已了然于胸。我体会不出什么新的东西来，我知道它记载着暗恋的境界，逡巡于生死之际苦苦思索，而最打动人心的依然是一份过期不候的青春情怀。
　　但是，再优美的语言都给不出被渡边博子的喊声所击中的那一刹那，再圆熟的心智都追溯不到那些无知少年的感动。用文字保鲜感情的企图最终是会破灭的，好像刻舟求剑。
　　面对这些曾经从来不吝文字去热爱的东西，突然失语。《情书》竟然已经十二年了，对它有话可说的，只能是恰逢初恋时光的小朋友了吧——很令我嫉妒。“千帆过尽”未必是什么好事，“过尽千帆皆不是”仲衰……
　　情书不尽，你真的忘记了么？

　　还是看不破，于是又“文艺”了。真是贪嗔痴谩疑，五毒俱全。

　　

Ah...I remembered

爱欲之人，犹如执炬，逆风而行，必有烧手之患。